Am cheating today and scooping a little something that was sent to me— thought it might come in handy should you be socializing any time soon and require bon mots or merely questions to change conversational direction or stop people rattling on about pet bunnies [or equivalent]…

You’re welcome.

♦

1.  IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS IT HOMELESS OR NAKED?

2.  IF YOU GO INTO A BOOKSTORE AND ASK WHERE THE SELF-HELP SECTION IS, DOESN’T THAT DEFEAT THE PURPOSE?

3.  WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

4.  IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

5.  WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”

6.  IS IT OKAY FOR ENDANGERED ANIMALS TO EAT ENDANGERED PLANTS?

7.  WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

8. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

9. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

10. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

11. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

12. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

13. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

14. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

15. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST AN ACT OF GOD?