how i found summer at minus fourteen without leaving town and how you can too

1.  Open a box of Jello.

2.  Wet index (or other) finger.

3.  Stick finger into Jello powder.

4.  Stick finger into mouth.

5.  Presto. Instant Lik-M-Aid—and just like that I’m back to pre celsius temps—something in the low 80’s with a gentle breeze—decked out in baggy yellow shorts and a striped tank top, a bandaid on my knee, another on my elbow, reading Richie Rich on the porch or riding my sister’s green two-wheeler hand-me-down that was so big I had to choose: pedal or sit. Impossible to do both at the same time.

(Incidentally, I notice it’s now called Fun Dip and comes with a dipping stick, which is depressing because you know this change occurred to avoid having children stick germy fingers into their mouths—to which I say how are they supposed to develop immune systems if they aren’t occasionally putting fingers into their mouths?? Especially during summer—the universal Lik-M-Aid season—when the more multi-coloured your index (or other) fingers are, the healthier you will grow!)

6.  Take your fingers out of the Jello powder—you’re a grown up, for heaven’s sake! It’s winter. Get over it. Boil water. Make Jello. Eat it in the bathtub.

~

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