no, i’m not reading hemingway

…Just clearing shelves.


1. Do not antagonize the bull, and do not move.

2. Look around for a safe haven—an escape route, cover, or high ground.

3. If a safe haven is not available, remove your shirt, hat, or another article of clothing. (This is to distract the bull.) 

4. If the bull charges, remain still and then throw your shirt or hat away from you. (The bull should head toward the object you’ve thrown.)

**NOTE: IF YOU ENCOUNTER A STAMPEDE of bulls or cattle, do not try to distract them. Try to determine where they are headed, and then get out of the way. If you cannot escape, your only option is to run alongside the stampede to avoid getting trampled. Bulls are not like horses, and will not avoid you if you lie down—so keep moving.

~ from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David BrogenichtAnd then there are cows.
No instructions needed.

6 thoughts on “no, i’m not reading hemingway

  1. When I was 17 I lived with my sister and her husband (at that time) in a farmhouse they rented in Cornwall, England. The farmer still used the land to graze his bullocks (castrated bulls who were essentially docile). Whenever I had to pass through our main gate on foot all these bullocks would raise their heads to look at me. Even though I had been assured that they would not attack, it was always unnerving to walk past them. Driving through the gate was also frustrating because there would invariably be a bullock stubbornly blocking the path. It usually took an inordinate amount of horn honking to get the thick-headed beast to move aside. Good times.

  2. Well lucky us… I’m at that same age so wouldn’t remember if you had! But really [and I do remember some things] I don’t think you’ve mentioned this particular bull [story], though there was another Cornwall one you shared… about chickens? I’m trying to recall what other animals I’ve written about that might have inspired a memory. Rabbits?

  3. p.s. Good to know about the docile quality of castration; I would have guessed it made them cranky… ;)

    p.p.s. Lovely snippets these Cornwall memories!

  4. The only other animals we had were goats. Oh yes, there were also some nudist/swingers came to visit one time. Did I ever mention them? If not, remind me to tell you some time. Maybe if you post something about nudists or swingers or even swing dancing in the nude.

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