let me not shake your hand


Am hoping there will be much good iso-fallout, not the least of which can we please stop shaking hands… hugs and cheek kisses (among friends/family) are fine in my book, but I’m done with handshaking and, frankly, I’m feeling better already at the thought of not having to entertain another damp, limp wristed greeting or the equally horrifying bone crushers that are meant to prove… what exactly? or the pumping shake… screw you pumping shake.

And the aftermath. All that stranger sweat on your hand. It’s really quite disgusting, the whole process. Who invented it and why have we so blindly been DOING this for so long???

All of this even more of an issue because of, well, pandemic of course, and the reminder that we are a germy species. (Howie Mandell was ahead of his time.)

So ta ta handshaking.

Hello hand over heart (or lung or clavical… anything in that area really). And, unlike handshaking, I propose an open, ambidextrous approach.

My contribution to the iso-fallout.

You’re welcome.

Pass it on.

(& no, I don’t want to do fist bumps, still too close… also possible sweaty knuckles, ew)

12 thoughts on “let me not shake your hand

  1. I hear you! My late mother-in-law was a staunch catholic but she refused to shake hands during church ceremony because she felt it was unhealthy, a breeding ground for bacteria. She was ahead of her time. I’m all for abolishing the handshake in favour of a smile and a nod.

    1. Worse when, in all the confusion, you accidentally touch faces/lips. Or people who only do ONE kiss… or THREE. Who can understand all this???? You are not alone in your idiocy.

    2. I agree. Though there are definitely people I want to hug and cheek kiss but NOT as a social norm. Good lord no. Not to mention that it becomes so insincere that way.

  2. La bise??? Don’t give up on it. It’s more like an air kiss. You don’t actually touch lips to cheeks, ugh! If someone as clumsy as I am can pick up the wee signal–flicker of the eyelid? angle of the chin?– which side to aim for, anyone can. Though the one vs the two kisses can be a challenge. Not to mention the three and four kisses.
    But the handshake, yes, definitely dump it. For years now, a handshake has me looking for a sink to wash away whatever germs I’ve had smacked onto my palm. Keeping hands to myself now, thanks.

    1. Bye bye, la bise… (unless lightly poofed at me from a distance, ie. ‘throwing a kiss’…) but this diving at each other, no merci. My niece’s husband is Italian and they do three… honest to god, every greeting is a comedy sketch.

  3. Don’t let a Ukrainian grab you , its kiss ,hug, kiss , hug, and one more Kiss , hug .Lolol Now I think I will start to blow a kiss . Must stop slowly . I am blowing you a kiss Matida .

  4. The handshake originated in the days of sword carrying…The right hand was displayed and shaken as a token of good faith (since most of us, Inigo Montoya, and Dread Pirate Roberts notwithstanding) are right handed. In other words, a polite way of keeping the hands where you can see them. Many of the Japanese traditions of bowing etc., which foot gets moved first, which hand goes to the ground first, revolve around samurai culture and warrior societies. (in their case, often reversed, the left is place first in a kneeling bow, then the right to optimize reaction time if the sake goes sour…)
    Since I usually leave my katana at home, and who has a broad sword anymore? Heavy, clumsy and looks better over the fireplace…
    Yes, let’s dispense with the handshake, although after many years in sales, it is a bit of a habit. Easily broken I think.
    Air kisses!!!!

    1. THANK YOU! I love this.
      (You leave your katana at HOME???… she said incredulousy… whilst googling ‘katana’…)
      You are such an excellent teacher.

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