a moment of sameness

I live within the sound of Highway 401’s constant hum, a stone’s throw (a long walk or a short drive) from the beach, near a park where rabbits don’t stop eating grass still wet with dew when I stroll past; only when I pause to consider taking a picture do they become concerned.

I put my camera away. They resume munching.

A woman walks ahead of me with a backpack. She’s small and wears sneakers and I think maybe it’s not a woman but a girl… but no, something about the precision of her steps tells me she’s walked a lot further than any girl and when a big yellow lab named Haley lumbers over to say hello, I catch up to her and we’re all smiling and talking to Haley and I see that indeed the woman is not a girl but someone my own age.

Haley and her person go off in one direction while the woman and I continue in the other. I walk ahead of her now at a slightly faster clip and at a turn in the path I look back and see her standing on a small footbridge, taking a moment to watch the creek that runs underneath it. A common enough thing to do—I’ve done it a thousand times myself—yet something about it strikes me as unusual. The backpack and the way she walks tell me she’s going somewhere, punctuality is required, she’s not just out for a morning stroll. And yet, this pause. I have the idea that it might be a ritual. She seems the disciplined type, the sort that would have rituals, routines. It occurs to me (and within seconds I’ve made it a fact, in my own mind at least) that she might pause here every morning on her way to wherever, that she calculates the time to include this thirty second break, that perhaps it’s a kind of meditation, a moment of sameness in her day that she can compare to yesterday’s moment and express gratitude for today’s.

This is how it feels, though why it should feel this way I haven’t a clue.

**

The birds are noisy this morning, not merely singing their usual songs but an over-the-top joyful cacophony that reminds me of sunrise in the Everglades and I wonder if it’s this sudden warmth that has shot them through with adrenaline in the way it has us non-feathery types. (How else to explain some very strange maneuvers on the roads?)

[A distant screech of tires right on cue.]

The bluebells are out and I follow them along a path to a part of the creek where the most prominent sound is water tumbling over rock.
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And there are trilliums. And bloodroot.
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And buds on a wild apple tree that every year I mean to pick from to make wild apple crumble, but forget.

Back on the main path I see the woman veer off across a field that leads to the street and the bus stop and I notice the wind must have shifted because the sound of the 401 has all but disappeared.

I walk back over the footbridge, pause a moment, then carry on.
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for a woman i barely knew

A few months ago I heard some news about a woman I’ve seen at various events over the years. I heard she went on holiday and felt tired and when she came back the doctor said Oh, dear, it doesn’t look good. I don’t know her at all really but when I heard all this through somebody who heard it from somebody, I suddenly had this image of her in these crazy beautiful plaid slacks one year in Vancouver. And there was that time in Halifax when she was sitting on a patio. I remembered how she looked nothing like Lauren Hutton but exuded that kind of style. Long and lean and sure of herself. She looked comfortable in her clothes, her skin. I once saw her walking her dog, she wore a long print skirt and sandals. She had this smile, this way of seeming relaxed in a crowd.

I remembered a black pencil skirt, high-necked white blouse. Under-stated jewellery. Perfect shoes. Dark hose. The kind of simple elegance that stands out.

I remembered looking at her waist and thinking she probably hasn’t gained an ounce in fifty years, all slender grace. She would have been in her sixties, cropped grey hair—a tall, chic pixie. I bumped into her one year in Miami, both of us with some free time and so we chatted a while. Her son was in Australia then and her eyes lit up when she spoke of him. I don’t know why I remember this when I couldn’t tell you as much about a single other person I see as infrequently. We aren’t friends, we talk, we laugh, it’s politeness mostly. We don’t have a lot in common. I just always notice her. And when they said she was dying I couldn’t believe it. Not her, not someone who wore those slacks, those skirts, who smiled that serenely, who seemed so sure. But die she did. And my tears for her surprised me.
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the warrior way

“John Lennon always felt like an Indian to me. In the words and music of this white rock ‘n’ roller, I found the essence of the warrior way. That way is not about being bitter or resentful. It’s not about getting what you think you’re due. It’s not about blaming history for the condition of your life. It’s not about pursuing revenge for injustice. It’s about living a principled life despite all the seeming crap, about living with soul, about embracing the flame of your spirit and letting it burn brightly. It’s about embracing the light of others, too, regardless.”
~ from One Native Life, by Richard Wagamese, Douglas & McIntyre, 2008
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willie nelson on a bridge

Willie Nelson walks across a bridge behind the art gallery carrying a plastic shopping bag—Metro, Food Basics, A&P maybe. Long white braid down his back and a red lumberjacket over jeans. We pass and momentarily catch one another’s eyes. He is grizzled and possibly hungry, but he does not look unhappy. Or even slightly mad.

Going into the Quicker’s Dairy Mart, which is next to the place that will cut glass to size for you, is that blond guy from The Dukes of Hazzard. Not him grown up but as a kid. He stops to let me go by. He’s only about fourteen so I think this is sweet; in fact his politeness amazes me.

On a bench in front of Benjamin Moore sits Glenn Gould smoking a cigar without gloves. He wears black rubber-soled shoes and grey socks, a grey winter jacket and blue jeans. Not jeans but blue jeans, the kind that might be belted up around his rib cage. I can’t tell. The jacket is zipped. The cigar is two inches long and he holds it carefully, ceremoniously, as if he’d just signed a contract for the biggest deal of his life and he’s celebrating with the best cheroot his filthy lucre can buy. He inhales with a slightly addled smile, a kind of wide grimace that stretches his mouth a little too much [there’s a hint of yellow teeth] then exhales like a goldfish breathing, mouth rounded and pulsing like he’s trying for smoke rings. But you can tell smoke rings are the last thing on his mind. I suspect he may not even know what such a thing is. He goes on, rapidly, inhaling and exhaling like this, making those faces, until the cheroot is nothing more than a tiny stub, which he tosses onto the pavement. He stands, walks a few steps as if to leave then leans down when he spies a good-sized cigarette butt. He returns to the bench, finds his cigar stub and uses it to light his latest smoke. When it takes, and just fort the merest of moments, he smiles for real then returns to his weird face isometrics all the while watching a boy in a purple hoodie do tricks on a silver scooter.

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trashy spring thawts

Who would be a worm? Such a thankless job. Having survived all winter in frozen ground with slim pickings food-wise only to be lured to the surface by a splash of springtime rain then end up stranded on scratchy bits of pavement as sun shines and feet and wheels are everywhere carelessly about.
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Worse, though, to be forgetful. Worm or human. To not have the sense you were born with. What else but a dose of dementia or dangerous daze could explain how it’s possible to find a lovely place for a cup of something and then wander off without it? Alas, beware, poor sweet forgetful soul! There are brick walls and open manholes out there…
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But the saddest thing of all must surely be the human who lives the sort of life where four large bags of garbage every two weeks cannot contain its rubbish so it must sneak under cover of darkness to public receptacles where it crams its excess…
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…forcing purveyors of said receptacles to take action with locks and smaller entry points. IMG_1162
(This of course does not apply to worms as they are clever enough to eat their own detritus.)