on a morning like this

When you wake up all grumpy and don’t feel like taking a walk because you’d prefer to wallow in grumpiness and toast but then the sky’s like this…
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and you can never argue with a sky like that. It always wins.
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So you put on your sneakers and you walk.
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Until it occurs to you that maybe you’re walking a little too fast…
and thinking too much about your grumpiness and not enough about the sky, which is still there but changing every minute…
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along with everything else.
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Until… and, at last, you wonder where grumpiness goes when it’s not being used.
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a short history of peacock blue

 
 
 
FIRST DISCOVERED:  among the Laurentien pencil crayons purchased at Towers Department store. A momentous occasion after years of using generic brands with no pep and loose tips that refused to be sharpened easily.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? Oh yes. Peacock Blue was head and shoulders above the other colours from the very start. Although Peacock Green and the most yellowy yellow were close behind. (The history of either or both, available on request.)

THE ROLE IT PLAYED: Not insignificant insofar as my choice of fabric for the Grade Seven HomeEc fashion show for which I made a stiff yet somehow baggy pair of peacock blue elastic waist pants (flood length because I ran out of material) and a matching checkered tunic, also stiffly A-line (peacock blue and white with a big Peter Pan collar) made even worse (hard to imagine, I know) with clunky white patent leather shoes and the fact that I went on stage right after Lisa Kiss who took modelling classes. Modelling classes. And who wore a tiny pink mini skirt and a pastel print popcorn blouse. Because having a name like Lisa Kiss was not already perfect enough…

Also used as eyeliner at some point. (the How To: leave for school naked-faced like a good girl then a few blocks along, near the mailbox, set down your binder, unzip your pencil-case, find your mirror and your Peacock Blue and lick the end. Apply to inner eye.)  Lead?? What lead?

Tried it as a nail colour. Didn’t work.

FAST FORWARD:
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Also this (click).

And a thousand more colours HERE.

 
 

a moment of sameness

I live within the sound of Highway 401’s constant hum, a stone’s throw (a long walk or a short drive) from the beach, near a park where rabbits don’t stop eating grass still wet with dew when I stroll past; only when I pause to consider taking a picture do they become concerned.

I put my camera away. They resume munching.

A woman walks ahead of me with a backpack. She’s small and wears sneakers and I think maybe it’s not a woman but a girl… but no, something about the precision of her steps tells me she’s walked a lot further than any girl and when a big yellow lab named Haley lumbers over to say hello, I catch up to her and we’re all smiling and talking to Haley and I see that indeed the woman is not a girl but someone my own age.

Haley and her person go off in one direction while the woman and I continue in the other. I walk ahead of her now at a slightly faster clip and at a turn in the path I look back and see her standing on a small footbridge, taking a moment to watch the creek that runs underneath it. A common enough thing to do—I’ve done it a thousand times myself—yet something about it strikes me as unusual. The backpack and the way she walks tell me she’s going somewhere, punctuality is required, she’s not just out for a morning stroll. And yet, this pause. I have the idea that it might be a ritual. She seems the disciplined type, the sort that would have rituals, routines. It occurs to me (and within seconds I’ve made it a fact, in my own mind at least) that she might pause here every morning on her way to wherever, that she calculates the time to include this thirty second break, that perhaps it’s a kind of meditation, a moment of sameness in her day that she can compare to yesterday’s moment and express gratitude for today’s.

This is how it feels, though why it should feel this way I haven’t a clue.

**

The birds are noisy this morning, not merely singing their usual songs but an over-the-top joyful cacophony that reminds me of sunrise in the Everglades and I wonder if it’s this sudden warmth that has shot them through with adrenaline in the way it has us non-feathery types. (How else to explain some very strange maneuvers on the roads?)

[A distant screech of tires right on cue.]

The bluebells are out and I follow them along a path to a part of the creek where the most prominent sound is water tumbling over rock.
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And there are trilliums. And bloodroot.
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And buds on a wild apple tree that every year I mean to pick from to make wild apple crumble, but forget.

Back on the main path I see the woman veer off across a field that leads to the street and the bus stop and I notice the wind must have shifted because the sound of the 401 has all but disappeared.

I walk back over the footbridge, pause a moment, then carry on.
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for a woman i barely knew

A few months ago I heard some news about a woman I’ve seen at various events over the years. I heard she went on holiday and felt tired and when she came back the doctor said Oh, dear, it doesn’t look good. I don’t know her at all really but when I heard all this through somebody who heard it from somebody, I suddenly had this image of her in these crazy beautiful plaid slacks one year in Vancouver. And there was that time in Halifax when she was sitting on a patio. I remembered how she looked nothing like Lauren Hutton but exuded that kind of style. Long and lean and sure of herself. She looked comfortable in her clothes, her skin. I once saw her walking her dog, she wore a long print skirt and sandals. She had this smile, this way of seeming relaxed in a crowd.

I remembered a black pencil skirt, high-necked white blouse. Under-stated jewellery. Perfect shoes. Dark hose. The kind of simple elegance that stands out.

I remembered looking at her waist and thinking she probably hasn’t gained an ounce in fifty years, all slender grace. She would have been in her sixties, cropped grey hair—a tall, chic pixie. I bumped into her one year in Miami, both of us with some free time and so we chatted a while. Her son was in Australia then and her eyes lit up when she spoke of him. I don’t know why I remember this when I couldn’t tell you as much about a single other person I see as infrequently. We aren’t friends, we talk, we laugh, it’s politeness mostly. We don’t have a lot in common. I just always notice her. And when they said she was dying I couldn’t believe it. Not her, not someone who wore those slacks, those skirts, who smiled that serenely, who seemed so sure. But die she did. And my tears for her surprised me.
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